The horse that built me

Today as I was taking my daily "drive dear Charlie to sleep" drive, I was driving down the same road I have lived on for about 20 of my 20-some years. Suddenly, in the silence of my car I was flooded with memories. A simple glance at the cow pasture bordering the road had triggered memories that I had thought I had lost. No matter how happy or comfortable my life as an adult is, I still have these ideas in my mind of the "good old days." Though my childhood was filled with events that I'd like to forget, none of them out weigh the happiness I lived through. As I pulled to the side of the road the tears started falling. (yes, pregnancy emotions, I know) I suddenly saw myself atop my priceless chestnut gelding, Star. I pictured it like yesterday. My Mom, Dad, and sister all in a heated race through this pasture. I was stunned that I had lost that memory. I remembered so much so clearly. I remembered the bitter chill in my hands as I gripped the reins, and the utter fear when I realized that for the first time, I had let him break into a full run. So many people have a house that is a cherished part of their lives, some people a town, some people traditions, but for me, the childhood memories that built me into who I am seemed to take place on the back of a horse. I learned the meaning of "not sweating the small stuff." We never, ever talked about anything in our lives while we rode. We just rode. Together. I watched my Mom and Dad go from a Kindergarten teacher and a Service Manager to two of my very best friends in the single swing of a saddle. I know times are so different, but I remember being so young that I had to mount from a stool, but still aching for the feeling of the ride. Even if it were our trusty family pony, Tiny. It seemed like no matter what our family was facing, no matter who was troubled, nothing mattered while we were all riding. A wise, young man once stated long before his presidency, "I've often said there's nothing better for the inside of a man than the outside of a horse." I have to add, a woman too. I lost my Star while I was in high school. I rode many times after that, but I never felt the trust I had before. In the years since then, there have been things happen that I know I could have used a nice run through the pasture. I hope one day to find this again. I hope one day, maybe not on a horse, but to build these priceless memories in my children. As I watched Charlie sleep in the back seat, I just hope one day they can think back on a time when nothing else mattered but their family. I hope I am able to give them, even if just a little, what I had.